0 comments Tuesday, September 29, 2009

haven't seen a paycheck in a thousand years
you text 'is dinner on' oh no i guess it is
but I don't want to face the horror
of opening my wallet and finding...receipts.

saturday and i've borrowed as much as I can
dinner's not looking good but I've got a smile on
a sad sort of facade for a kind of slow-dawning horror

I call in slightly sheepish tones
Afraid to seem cheap
but I do need somewhere to sleep that isn't a void deck

So i'll meet you at the coffee shop
dinner is at six o'clock
and it may not be an 'atas' place
but I won't have to sell my home just to see your face.

It's not that you aren't important
but love should be more than dollars and cents
especially if you've more of the latter
anyway I can't afford cheap gestures right now -
flowers i'm sad to say are
out of the question.

anyway money can't buy you love.

and I'll meet you at the coffee shop
breakfast is at six o'clock
and if tomorrow morning I get to spend fifteen minutes with you
then it's fine if it isn't air conditioned.

0 comments Thursday, July 30, 2009

It's a night and day affair
and both ways it's the same
for two weeks now we're playing
this nameless, ancient game

and now you're eating at my mind
like a two week mold
left out in the cold to grow
and I hope that I return in kind
or i'll be growing old
left out when the cold wind blows

and I feel it in my stomach
every time you call my phone
and I feel it in my liver
saying I don't want to be alone

but loneliness is all it is
like a sunflower by the hour
grows toward the sun
my love grows like a weed
and lower my standards grow
the longer since it's begun.

So dance for me, sunflower girl
and I will shine for you
high love is lost on such as us
but i'll love you til' the morning dew.

0 comments Saturday, July 25, 2009

the mad morning gave me pause
to think about clouds and the colour of your eyes
and now I am caught up
in the colour of mists and sunrise
it seems that we'll part in the dark
outside the radius of some lamp-shade
and rise again in the morning to the drizzle's enfilade.

Oh grizzled shade of sleep! To what do I owe this joy?
i have debts to pay to the morning dew
Oh holy darkness deep! My spirit do employ
and make the ancient promises anew.

Visit me! in brain-stems dance
the dance of blood and bones
visit upon me! in endorphins
in afternoon jogs
and tea and scones.

so hence with fervour we awake
and of our birthright's bondage do partake.

0 comments Saturday, July 11, 2009

A step out of arrival
and a foreign English’s eclecticness explodes in my face
like the spray of confetti at
a party of middle-aged women in pink tights.
This morning’s babble should please me more
but I now deem it unhappy variant—
though telling of home,
familiarity smacks like the mismatched attire of
a hawker whose tone demands patronage
to justify her lost sleep.


This is my country.
Open arms decked high with
consumer commerciality,
her once warm embrace now
exudes indifferent materiality as the cold
adorning charm she loops around my neck;
I hesitate
(but as the crowd presses closer,
and the scent of physicality
engulfs me in a swirl of designer perfume)
I join them, and let the mob
sweep me towards the
shopping districts.
In the background, music blares
from a store window and they chant,

“Welcome home.”

0 comments Monday, July 06, 2009

Let this be the last summation
of our moments snatched
in between movements of crowds—
Wide-eyed interludes,
the low cascading of your voice
and your accidental touch
sends undercurrents through my skin.


Now, you sidestep me with your gaze—
there is time for one last laugh and you are buoyed
away by the tide of faces;
Like pebbles, they wash unspoken hope
from the sands of my heart


but leave your memory
accreted on its plains.
Day breaks on the horizon,
and you have forgotten
what I must forget.

0 comments Thursday, June 18, 2009

-~-

Do forgive the triple kill, it is rather sudden.

-~-

They go to see a play of hopes and fears;
Expecting blood and death and tragedy,
They want to break their hearts and shed their tears.
But though the theatre still stands on the lee,
It shows no tragedy nor comedy-
The stage is spartan, and there is one light,
And figures in a symphony of white.

At first, accountants gave their wary leers,
But soon it proved to be a hit-to-be
And cleared up all they still had in arrear.
The older patrons muttered, left it be,
But newer ones were all amused to see
Avant-garde things, and took some strange delight
At figures in a symphony of white.

And though nobody understands, they fear
For some strange reason, trembling eerily
To watch those faceless forms in pale appear
And then dissolve, some others turn to flee,
While more yet rise and cavort endlessly;
Nobody thought to ask of the playwright
Why figures in a symphony of white-

And he alone is certain, he is clear:
It is a joke too plain for eyes to see,
It is a play for audiences to steer;
The subject, Man! The actors, you and me!
The time is now, the plot is life! And we
Are they! But no-one yet has guessed it right:
Who figures in that symphony of white?

0 comments

A number, blinking in the pale of white
Alerted him to see what he had sought-
A star amongst a million in the night;

With joy, he stood and danced, two left, one right,
And designated it- three-four-three-ought-
A number blinking. In the pale of white

Of sixty hertz and forty watts of light,
He dialled his girlfriend on the phone he bought,
A star amongst a million in the night,

Told her the news, then sat back down and sighed.
And then- a shiver- words in throat he caught-
A number, blinking in the pale of white,

He googled up his age and weight and height,
And he was there- all numbers in the plot-
A star amongst a million. In the night

Sat he, repulsed, revolted at the sight,
Stood, trembling, sure that he was what he thought-
A number blinking in the pale of white,
A star amongst a million in the night.

0 comments

The sun is first, and then the city roars
To men who lose their sins, their souls, their say
It is a heart that never shuts its doors.

They make their beds, their minds, and make their way,
And bones of steel, and veins of putrid tar
To men who lose their sins, their souls, their say;

All that is left are memories afar,
And fantasies. Where steel and concrete grows,
And bones of steel, and veins of putrid tar,

Inside their rooms, a moment of repose
To dream of things that lie beyond the walls,
And fantasies where steel and concrete grows,

Then night descends; the gate, majestic, falls
For them to leave. It is impossible
To dream of things that lie beyond the walls.

They wake again, in lights immiscible-
The sun is first, and then the city roars;
For them to leave, it is impossible:
It is a heart that never shuts its doors.

0 comments Friday, May 29, 2009

i write yet again of the sea
which tosses up iridescent flying
things - not the obvious, dull-eyed
fishes, but lace-frothed waves,
obscuring the lonely, evasive eels,
the ones you need to look
hard to see.

the sand chafes the glass sculpture
the tide makes in every moment,
spinning up tiny, miniature fauna,
shaping all possible types of sea-pebbles
to pick for your pockets, pretending
a shark or unnamed underwater animal

had sniffed it, played with it as it
grew up, hid behind it when the
slamming of the shores seemed like
thunder from above, when the gulls
seemed to be crying their fates
when hooks came searching for them
and they could not slip away like the eels

0 comments

the poem
touches a nerve like last night
we tossed our hearts, strands of hair,
washing powder, tupperwares
onto the grand scale, weighing up our worths


the words wave over me like a sea of lights
woofing, pawing, wanting to play
they reach right into the center
where nothing but deflated
balloons stay


they paint life with added shimmer-
the forest-colored litter receptacles,
smoky bars with no patrons, even once-
white gates no-one has sat on; darted
a glance at; grown roses on for years


now. and the poem subsumes the beetles
of our fears, absorbs the sillinesses
of the imaginary face-offs, tussles
between grasshoppers, earthworms and children.

0 comments

Now, thoughts of you are like
mythical rainbows and
chamber pots of gold.
They float up unannounced
like goblets of oil from
dirty dishes in the sink's nose.

If I but told you, all the
global warming in the world,
all the coffee cups and scones
couldn't stop the inevitable
ice age and stupid sniffling
I'll explain as a really bad cold.
___________________________
wrote this ages ago, can't remember if i showed anyone though! clearing up my possessions, thought i'd better keep this in a relatively un-loseable place heh.

0 comments Saturday, May 02, 2009

woke up at 7.30;
knew the day would do me in
woke up at 10.30
and I had lost everything

and please, please, I say - 
have mercy on this brand new day

In Bethlehem I saw the star
was slowly on the rise
and I knew the time had finally come
for this old world to die

and please, please, I say - 
have mercy on this brand new day

I was walking down the road
and I saw the setting sun
and those crosses on the hill
and I knew the deed was done

and I heard the thunder speaking 
and the mountains did shake
and I heard the voice of God
bid the rivers to awake


and please, please, I say -
have mercy on this brand new day

I walked a street of mist and sound
and wondered what's ahead
a ghost appeared and whispered to me
'everything is dead'

I woke up in the morning
and was weary of my sin
woke up at 7.30; I knew the day would do me in.


-adam

0 comments Monday, March 30, 2009

The touch of a hand on a screen of a lily in the water at daybreak; that is the sound that rings through his mind, and his heart is thumping out all the horrors his eyes cannot forget, loins desperately remembering the ribaldries of the evening before in sudden burning recollection, and the time is not right, the day is dark, the clouds strike with the fever of a maddened God upon the tree that stands outside his porch, splitting it in twain and setting the ground alight with the embers of a nighttime's folly, birthing ash and dust that blows away in the wind, across the lake, scattered motes of consciences and memories lingering, as though kept aloft by nothing more than starlight in the everlasting midnight of a sunless world where skeletons rock on their porches and bones rattle in their cots.

Full post:
http://whythecynic.spaces.live.com/blog/cns!EBCF08A01A145542!1198.entry

0 comments Sunday, March 01, 2009

Last year - dithering on the doorstep
of a forgotten, unfriendly church, in an
unfamiliar, un-navigatable city, cool
dark dusty pews and golden high ceilings,
tracing the reliefs with my sketchy belief-


This year, climbing mountains to find
flowers, I clear spaces where it hurts.
Orange-juice like light spills from the
spring windows of this chapel, dying hair
straw-color, percolating into happy singing


Coats and scarves hug the backs of chairs;
the songs from these who grew up in winters
and snow are the same old ones from my all-
round Easters at home. I carry the cross the
long trek to the silent room with its unwashed


laundry, five flights of stairs with the year's
guilt; why didn't I go into that gilted place,
why didn't I chafe at inertly training back
just to be safe, now, I pray I am forgiven
for my haste and wrath will never find me again.

0 comments Tuesday, February 17, 2009

01: The Crying God

It was a punctuation in a neverending stream of self-pity, strong enough to shake him from his weeping and bring him back to the afterglow of fluorescence on padded walls of white. His eyes focused for a moment, picking out the anomaly amongst trillions of pairs of tender feet, and with the practiced, swiftest movement of a finger the camera swung around, turning its monstrous, monocular visage towards the third layer, a million-and-seventeen rows and eight thousand columns in.

He saw it, then, crying in its cot, struggling against the twelve tubes that pierced its skin ever so delicately, feeding it, monitoring it, sensing every part of its body and knowing it better than it would ever know itself; it was awake, feebly twisting, shaking, thrashing like a whale stabbed with a hundred harpoons. Beneath it, the pristine white of the sheets had already turned an ominous crimson; the temperature sensor read thirty eight celsius, pulse rate was a hundred fifty, and the multitudinous antibiotics and antihistamines and analgesics did little to soothe the suffering of the tiny, four-limbed form that splayed and flailed about, dying, so gently dying.

So he, with his practiced, experienced hand, flew his fingers over twelve points on the holographic screen that represented the twelve tubes that connected the baby to his machine; twelve switches on a half-invisible blue, interrupted by a round orange globe that scrolled his single eye across the domain that was his to maintain. In the dark room, in his soft black chair moulded to fit his back perfectly, beneath empty lightbulb sockets which threw no more light than dead masters threw bones to their dogs, surrounded by a complete circle of nothing but projected light and screens, he contemplated and executed fate with ten fingers on twelve switches, fingertips dipped millimetres into the optical sensors that registered his every move, and then he threw himself back in his chair and forced himself to watch.

As fast as light could carry his will to the steel arms of his unblinking eye, the tubes retracted unashamedly, and there was a pause as the baby's heart rested between its beats, and then the blood started flowing out of veins punctured even before it left its mother's womb, draining a heart already scanned and classified before it beat its first systolic; and then another pair of arms came up, over the cot, pierced its skin where the neck joined the head and drew out a core of metal, and it choked and bled and the sheets were the deepest red of rose.

Meanwhile, the rest slept, peaceful, unaware, unwitting, unwilling to bear witness, unable to comprehend the manic resplendence of emotions that coursed through their watcher's mind, their own neurons barely able to keep up with the demands of their hearts, lungs, stomachs; and they slept, hearing but unlistening, squirming in oblivion, even as their caretaker held his hand over the orange scrollball steady, gazing on the bleeding and sacrifice of one of their kin.

As quickly as it began, it was over; it fell into its death, silent and trepidant, twitching in anticipation, pale with anxiety, in a red pool of its own anger and confusion; and the cot's bottom opened, a caressing maw of metal leading to the organic recycler, and the shrouds fell in, wrapping, tumbling, covering, like the hell-argent of an angel falling, falling, falling; then the fissure closed as swiftly as it opened, the arms returned to their positions by the side of the belly of the beast, and the unblinking eye shuddered for an intangible moment, fleeter than a gust of midnight through a treeless forest, and with the hiss of an angry serpent a cloud of poison cleansed the cradle, erasing, wiping, restoring.

He sat back in his chair that so impeccably fit the shape of his back, his soft black chair, underneath a light that illuminated nothing, in a darkness that hid nothing, before an infinite screen that taught nothing. Right hand over the orange globe, he clenched it, willed, and closed his fingers; and from the endless depths of the processory another infant, suckling on its finger, acquiescingly attached to twelve tubes that sampled its blood and tasted its breath, arrived and took its place in the cot that had only so short before been the home of another. It smiled and gurgled, and turned onto its side, where the pair of connections to its spinal cord did not get in the way of its comfortable sleep. There was a hesitance, a tensing and a nanosecond frown, and a new sample was drawn, analyzed, and the results shown to the machine's master.

And over the screen, the semi-transparent holographic projection that showed trillions of green dots and one red dot, the punctation resumed normal operation, turning green; a window popped up, proudly declaring that the sample values were within normal limits; and the eye turned back to its sleepless observation, attached to an arm with forty elbows that retracted and folded and kept its vigil over its domain.

The last echoes of the anomaly beep faded from recent memory, the eye-arm returned to its base position, and the screen was once again a perfect blanket of green; and he saw that it was good, and he cried.

1 comments Wednesday, January 14, 2009

i miss feeling
like i've eaten a whole lemon
i miss
the hole in my bagel,
the inside-out california rolls,
clothes that refuse to dry;
riding rollercoasters
though i'm afraid of heights.


i miss missing you.
but not you - oh no - i look
forward to that as i would
visiting unfriendly relatives
in a deep dark wood.


and as you slip past
like an iced drink,
i take the next
merry-go-round
into the wind

1 comments Wednesday, December 31, 2008

A rhythm calls me to the west
and calls me to get up and dressed
silently I rise and say
'Good morning to the new born day.'

-----------------------------------

say hello to saintly snows
and halos made of leafy blows
that blizzard by your garden front
and blush your childhood as you grow

say hello to first time winds
that scandalise your soft eyelids
and leave you with the reddish glow
and brush your childhood as you grow

say hello to brisk sunshine
that tans you like the sharpest wine
you're sharp now where you once were slow - 
and crush your childhood as you grow.

-----------------------------------

sing of whirling teenage days
and dancing wildish dervish ways
Oh! seasons will not trouble you
Oh! sing no more of your childhood.

fresh and hungry in the night
you spoil for bloody love and fight
your pack will split the loot and lays
Oh, sing of whirling teenage days

On your own you catch the breeze
that blows by like Jehovah sneeze
but stand strong like the finest tree
Oh sing of wildish teenage ways
Oh, sing of whirling teenage days

-----------------------------------

adulthood has not caught you well
thirty has not found you swell
stationary you are sad 
but say not that adulthood's bad

you pay the rent and mop the floor
and long once more for metaphors
and shining star-streaked bloody nights
and passion under cool moonlight

but say not that adulthood's bad
thirty five has found you sad
but childhood's given as a gift
and memory is never thrift.

0 comments Sunday, December 21, 2008

as close as sun is to the midnightsky,
as near to moon as comets on the roads
and with a flick, a halogen explodes
and then, together, in our seats we fly
or rather, flew. for soon we must alight
and wrap our shoes upon abrasive tar
and walk together long and lone afar
upon a path that is but falsely bright
or will you stop as suddenly as hearts
when crashed into a wall of solid steel
my hand about your neck, a pulse to feel,
a key inside your engine, nothing starts,
and ambulances bring you off. I cry,
head raised; I walk beneath the midnight sky.

0 comments Saturday, November 29, 2008

He found offence with his right hand,
And so he had it off, replaced with shining steel,
Leaving behind the aches and pains he used to feel,
Replaced with crafted love, made in Japan.
Then some months later, when his knees gave out,
He thought a moment, gave up with a shout,
Lopped them off, and everything below,
The newly grafted pistons certainly not just for show
For instead of just watching the grandchildren playing
He could now join them in the sandpit, laughing,
His X-ray vision always looking out for danger,
And metal limbs protecting them from injuries
So he was naturally taken by surprise
When screaming mothers dragged their crying children away
(Crying more because they never won at Hide and Seek)
So he retreated to his home, defeated and meek,
Took out a pair of kidneys, a liver, a spleen,
A heart, and fifty percent of brain,
Replaced his veins with carbon nanotubes
And cartilage with artificial lubes.
So when he next appeared in public, to the shock
Of all who half-expected him to flash his cock
Instead he simply grinned and brightly gleaned
And vocalized, "I come to you in peace",
They tried their best not to treat him like a disease.
But centuries later, when all repugnance did cease,
He thought to himself and sighed out loud again,
Half-missing the missing ache and the phantom pain
Looking at silicone skin through plastic polymer eyeballs,
Thinking about his pair of life-like simulation balls,
He kind of missed the feeling of having grandchildren
And thought about what it might have been like to have them
Mourn him at his funeral.

42
2 comments Sunday, November 02, 2008

this is it
this is the answer to everything
reverse slowly
when parallel parking


look over
your shoulder, checking for glow-worms
before making a u-turn.
you must


glance at the
rear-view mirror, foot like a hover-
craft whirring
over the brakes.


lest from your
blindspot comes out
like flying fish from the sea,
raging instructors


who won't
let you pass. Alternatively, wake
from the frothy
bottle-green dreams


drunk upon
speeding the highways in smuggled
cars and yesterday's hours,
measuring


reason by the
dashboard's meter. Nothing could
be sweeter, not
even the eventual


funk,
needing to extricate yourself
from the wreckage
of fairy-dust.
____________________________
ps: sorry for the use of 42, nearly sacrilege i know. pls tell me if this is mad or vaguely normal, thanks!