A raindrop-
Ripples in a lake,
Drowned by the downpour
01: INTREUX
the spring that lightens steps upon the soil;
the sun that brightens faces wrought in toil;
the unawareness of the mortal coil,
will soon give way to summer’s scathing eye;
will feel the fury of the vengeful sky;
will parch the earth and turn the rivers dry,
till autumn brings its blissful tranquil touch;
till cherry blossoms fall in their deluge;
till sunrays slip away before your clutch,
when finally, winter waits upon the world;
when nature, weary, from her toils untold;
when wasted, life retreats beneath the cold.
so goes the age-old story of the earth;
the treasured tale of death, and then rebirth.
I'm personally very thoroughly impressed. You've done well with the rhyming and have still kept the mood adamant throughout. Not much to say.
ReplyDelete~Xin
You have a very psalmic style of writing which, while impresses, can sometimes be overdone. Contextually, this fits, but it borders on being a bit heavy. It's almost like hearing a really, REALLY on-the-ball pastor screaming GO WITH GOD YOU BLASPHEMOUS SPAWN OF SATAN at an unbeliever.
ReplyDeleteUhm, good stuff though; you know what else would be great for you to write about in this style+theme? Write about Persephone and Demeter. <3
Cheers!
Bern
haha. just look at the next chapter.
ReplyDelete