he sat, watching the children play
-long gone was the dolent day
on wings of wax, aflight in flames,
then smashed on a shoal of shames;
left night and wind, silent sisters,
where they walked but wisps and whispers-
alone and dimmed, without a ray
upon his seat of steel, he wrote
upon his paper, his pen he smote
he sat, watching the children play
he hesitated, in silence to pray
perhaps a song to sin and plight
perhaps a dirge to dark and night
-long gone was the dolent day
his honour but a roll of names
its flight a whim of wind and whiff
its flight a step off a cliff
on wings of wax, aflight in flames,
his dreams bedight and veiled in blames
besought a storm, which wept a well
besought a star, which shook and fell
then smashed on a shoal of shames;
and heart and soul two lonesome drifters
knew not where the river sped
knew not where the moonlight led
left night and wind, silent sisters,
in his house a hall of weepers
shades of love now pale and dim
shades of friends that stood with him
where they walked but wisps and whispers-
while he dreamed of death, despair, deceit-
the children played, and watched him sit.
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
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4 comments:
I like it a lot. The alliterative first stanza gives it a lot of atmosphere, well done there. I think the final rhyme needs to be less strained to end the poem on a good note. Otherwise, good job :D
You already know I like your poetry, don't you. :P
I like the alliteration and the rhyming, but somehow 'his pen he smote' seems too strong for the poem. wisps, whispers, flight and whims all give this light impression and somehow the word 'smote' comes off as too strong.
i like everything.
awesome! i was reading one of your earlier poems, and i felt inspired to do a warhammer-ish sketch. will try to finish and show you by next math lecture. =)
(btw, the word i'm supposed to use for verification is "puovnida". any one care to incorporate that into a poem? xD)
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