Saturday, February 03, 2007

The night is young, the day is through, all that conquers my mind is you;
Through darkness, as an arrow true, pierced in my heart, the wounds accrue;
Down memory's dark avenue, the unrelenting thought of you;
All that conquers my mind is you; the night is young, the day is through.

Here, now, amidst the death of sight, I stand within the naked night,
Despaired, bereft of all respite from fury of the untamed tide;
My dreaming brings me not delight- filled not with bliss, but born of blight;
I stand within the naked night here, now, amidst the death of sight.

The morning rises in the east, uncloaking light the midnight's mist;
The dewdrops in the gold light glist are all remained of twilight's tryst;
And darkness' veil about you ceased, I cannot chance a glance resist;
Uncloaking light the midnight's mist, the morning rises in the east.

When noontime bathes the world aglow, it all my passions overthrow;
As melting of the winter snow, then all my heart doth overflow;
When love triumphs everything below, and you the only thing I know;
It all my passions overthrow, when noontime bathes the world aglow.

And once more I am in dismay when evening harries you away;
Lost to my sight, to light of day, my hope again begins to fray;
And colours turn to stony gray - oh! how I wish that dark delay
When evening harries you away, and once more I am in dismay.

The night is young, the day is through, all that conquers my mind is you;
Down memory's dark avenue, the unrelenting thought of you
Through darkness, as an arrow true, pierced in my heart, the wounds accrue;
All that conquers my mind is you; the night is young, the day is through.

1 comments:

a adhiyatma said...

I'm afraid it isn't one of your best.

Too many of the same rhymes make the stanzas sound overstrained, and worse, contrived. Especially when it doesn't rhyme exactly. (tryst/ceased, 3rd stanza)

I think also, imagery that doesn't sound sincere. Maybe draw a bit more from your personal experiences? 'Noontime bathes the world aglow' is a little cliche i think, as an example.

adam

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