The night is young, the day is through, all that conquers my mind is you;
Through darkness, as an arrow true, pierced in my heart, the wounds accrue;
Down memory's dark avenue, the unrelenting thought of you;
All that conquers my mind is you; the night is young, the day is through.
Here, now, amidst the death of sight, I stand within the naked night,
Despaired, bereft of all respite from fury of the untamed tide;
My dreaming brings me not delight- filled not with bliss, but born of blight;
I stand within the naked night here, now, amidst the death of sight.
The morning rises in the east, uncloaking light the midnight's mist;
The dewdrops in the gold light glist are all remained of twilight's tryst;
And darkness' veil about you ceased, I cannot chance a glance resist;
Uncloaking light the midnight's mist, the morning rises in the east.
When noontime bathes the world aglow, it all my passions overthrow;
As melting of the winter snow, then all my heart doth overflow;
When love triumphs everything below, and you the only thing I know;
It all my passions overthrow, when noontime bathes the world aglow.
And once more I am in dismay when evening harries you away;
Lost to my sight, to light of day, my hope again begins to fray;
And colours turn to stony gray - oh! how I wish that dark delay
When evening harries you away, and once more I am in dismay.
The night is young, the day is through, all that conquers my mind is you;
Down memory's dark avenue, the unrelenting thought of you
Through darkness, as an arrow true, pierced in my heart, the wounds accrue;
All that conquers my mind is you; the night is young, the day is through.
1 comments:
I'm afraid it isn't one of your best.
Too many of the same rhymes make the stanzas sound overstrained, and worse, contrived. Especially when it doesn't rhyme exactly. (tryst/ceased, 3rd stanza)
I think also, imagery that doesn't sound sincere. Maybe draw a bit more from your personal experiences? 'Noontime bathes the world aglow' is a little cliche i think, as an example.
adam
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