The waters here are clearer than the skies are at home. Walking down an unfamiliar beach, I am faced with the sudden realization that I am alone. Behind me, the crashing surf drags my footprints from the sand and drowns them in the ocean. The breeze blows across the silent sea and echoes in the farthest reaches of the sky beyond. Love seems too big for this little planet; there is no room for it between the sand and the sea. I am alone, and there is no one else on these lonely shores. I have left them all behind.
2 comments:
haha, one sentence particularly reminds me of "the last love song on this little planet".
i think that the sentence "i am faced with... ...alone" doesn't quite belong. spend more words describing the scene for the reader to feel the alone-ness instead of telling him/her what you feel. at least, that works better for me.
consider "they have left me behind"? implying that once love was there, but it went away somewhere, and he's left alone.
still, it's a great attempt at description. smooth to read, and all ideas are strung in such a way that visualization is a lot easier- i imagine the guy looking back at his footsteps, then turning to look at the waves close to shore, then to the horizon. nice.
"i have left them all behind" was intentional - he has left love behind, not the other way around (:
thanks for your comments!
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