Monday, October 03, 2005

The spring of life whence came Demeter’s child
Brought warmth and joy to all the barren land;
Where flowers blossommed in the weather mild,
The beauteous fruits of Nature’s loving hand-
The overture to Life’s symphony grand-
But now is grey where green once made its home;
And now lies dead in forests made of stone.

The summer, warmth and beauty undefiled
When Hades, cold and lifeless, sought her hand;
No more the youthful innocence so mild,
The solemn silence where the trees now stand-
The empty plains, without a foe or friend-
Out of the land the happiness has flown;
And now lies dead in forests made of stone.

In autumn was Persephone beguiled
By six small seeds, by scheming underhand;
As woe upon woe in her heart was piled,
The falling blossoms yearning for the land-
The age-old round, beginning and the end-
The schemer for his sins will now atone;
And now lies dead in forests made of stone.

The winter cold as Hades’ heart defiled
A bleeding wound which time could never mend;
Where frozen sheets of snow the earth once tiled,
The haunting wail as life comes to an end-
The death upon which rebirth does depend-
Now all is warm where wind once chilled the bone;
And now lies dead in forests made of stone.

//I know the rhymes sound ridiculously contrived. I was writing with twice the number of lines and half the number of rhymes, and this was the best I could do without consulting a thesaurus or similar tool -_- It definitely has loads room for improvement! Suggestions plz.

4 comments:

Unknown said...

i think the consistent nature imagery is good. it definitely sounds less contrived than my ballade - the flow is much more natural. the refrain is pretty inspired. great work!

Anonymous said...

<3<3<3<3<3

Oh man.

<3!

You have a generally brilliant lyrical style that's very appealing and very flowing. Your writings are a joy to read, and reread.

Cheers!
bern

a adhiyatma said...

suggestions?
well, it definitely sounds nice read, has a good flow to it, but as you said certain rhymes are contrived and break it up. consulting a thesaurus would be good, but please, please don't overuse it :P
where did you get the rhyme scheme, btw? is it a traditional form or did you come up with it? I find it gives a nice rhythm to the poem that prevents monotony.

Derrick said...

rhyme scheme was found on rayner's ballade link! rime royale, traditional form.

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