Recent composition. I think i need to get back into prose, haha.
Ah!
this is the sound
this is the sound
this is the sound the raindrops go
pitter patter
spitter spatter
on my window a bitter blatter
a scritch, a scratch
a rhyme that won't match
between the spaces that raindrops flow.
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would like comments, please.
adam
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
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6 comments:
it's got your trademark abstract beauty, but unlike your previous works, i don't get an "oomph" from it- it sounds more like a guy sitting at his piano, looking out the window at the rain, musing, and tapping a few keys from time to time.
it's different from your previous ones, definitely. more thoughtful, and less thoughtful at once.
nice rhythm and rhyme! and i loved the flipping between the "i" and the "a" sounds.
Shall not mount a defence this time:D
I see what you mean. It's kind of like a kid's poem, sort of... I am sick of big words and rambling angst.
hahaha woe is me, for i have yet to transcend that.
LOVELY SOUNDS ADAM
it's so well-controlled. like it has been tempered with a lot of thought. good work adam!!
i like the soundy-likey things (what are they called again? assonance?) and the way your miniature forms make perfect sense, somehow. but this seems a bit contrived and unspontaneous. i like the raindrops bits though... woohoo this blog lives
hey adam,
this just fits together so perfectly. (like all your poems i've read so far) i guess rain = thoughtfulness/ depression is a pretty cliched topic and giving it a childish (?) quality makes it.. fresher, somehow.
[as you can see, i am going to fail whatever unseen they give us for the lit common test. ]
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