lol. Since I failed at finishing my month, I might as well post some of them here.
In the morning, we file down onto the astroturf and arrange in neat rows for flag-raising ceremony. We mumble through the national anthem, the pledge, groan through the announcements, and subsequently file back. We're a little weathered and a little jaded from the last nine years of this. It is meant to inspire pride and confidence; we are simply too tired, too accustomed to the morning calisthenics to twitch even an eyebrow. We are a cynical generation, wind-tossed, battered, white mice for each new experiment. We long for sincerity. No solutions will do, only something to fight for.
-adam
plz comment. Thanks. Any comment at all really, I'd just like to gauge response.
5 comments:
The changes in tense broke the passage up very badly- from "we're" to "it is", etc. And I found the ending rather vague.
I find the 100 words limit a little too restrictive, but oh well.
yeah, I get that. if i were to edit it i'd change it, but i'm not going to.
I think you've captured quite well what the spirit of this generation is. Zooming out from the details - the flag raising, the astroturf - is a nice technique. I especially like the "zooming out" technique because it makes the details look trivial. For Derrick's point, I do agree that the tense changes are a little unnerving but I think tense can be sacrificed for flow and spontaneouity (did I get that word right? Microsoft Word says it's wrong but they know nothing.) And the hundred-word limit - I think it's a great idea. This is a hundred word response too. :)
it's 'spontaneity'. And ... noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. yeah. ok. thanks.
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